About Us — 30 April 2011
A Dame Who Knows the Ropes

A Short Memoir of Dating in Austin

Dating in Austin can be a fickle thing. There are so many men out there that even I have forgotten what type of guys I’m into. I, being a lady of the dating scene in this unique town, am still on the prowl for a man I can find worthy of my affections. I have had my fair share of dating experiences, ranging from the awesome to the bad to the just plain weird. Is it me or have we all wanted to stab a man in the neck with a fork while on what was supposed to be the perfect date?

One day I decided that I wanted to get one of those fancy spray tans—going from a pale vixen to a tan bombshell in a matter of hours. The next day I was thinking I looked damn good and decided I would hit up the soccer store to check out the “merchandise.” Success came a few days later when a cute soccer boy I had chatted up at the store calls me and asks me to dinner. As it turns out, Cute Soccer Boy was not so cute when he ordered a salad and talked about his favorite sport the whole time. He then asked to split the check at the end of the dinner. Don’t get me wrong, some women may not mind this, but I personally believe that if a man asks a girl to dinner, he is the one who should pay. I think it is the polite and gentlemen thing to do and shows he isn’t cheap.

I am not saying the man should always pay but I think on the first date, yes. That is why after the date with Not So Cute Anymore Soccer Guy I made up a polite excuse to leave and never looked back.

Another experience was when a man talked about himself the entire time and did not ask me a single thing about myself. Not one thing. He still called after the date to tell me what a nice time he had and I was thinking, was it because you talked about yourself the whole time? I may have smiled and told him I had a lovely time but I sure as hell never wanted to date him again.

Even though we all have had our fair share of bad dates, one must go through the bad to get to the good. Some of the best dates I have been on have been dates different from the regular wine and dine. There was the first date when I asked a homeless man to take pictures of me and my date singing karaoke or the time I was driven out to Llano just to eat at a delicious barbecue restaurant. It is the random dates that are the best kind.

So if you ever find yourself on a date with one of the following:
A man who orders a salad
A man who talks about himself the whole time
A man who doesn’t drink (when you’re a lush like me)
A man that you find yourself wanting to stab in the neck with a fork

Don’t waste anymore of your time and remember the words of Mae West, “A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up.”

—Peyton Kempf, reader contributor, twitter.com/countesspeyton

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(1) Reader Comment

  1. lool! this is an awesome idea! ;)

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